Ridiculous gift ideas from Goop
The gift-giving season is upon us and once again, Gwyneth Paltrow has proven she's the queen of frivolity and ludicrous Christmas wishlists.
In grand tradition, wellness and lifestyle brand Goop has released its list of grandiose present ideas.
The guide is stacked to the brim with everything from knick-knacks and trinkets to actual cars and holidays; perfect gift ideas for people who want to outdo everyone else on Christmas Day.
The 2018 gift guide is luxuriously decadent. Featuring gifts from no less than 12 different categories, Goop has something for everyone.
There is one teensy catch though: the list is straight out of a capitalist's overpriced fantasy and you may be subjected to ridicule when Christmas rolls around.
But if you have an extra stash of money lying around for a rainy day or need to scratch a credit card itch, now's your chance to #treatyoself - or if you're nice, not naughty, treat somebody else.
Here are some of the most outlandish items Gwyneth suggests:
Reminding all gym enthusiasts that no matter how many Instagram followers you have, or how shredded your body may be, you're not truly into fitness unless you have a set of marble dumbbells.
Cited as Michelangelo's choice when it comes to weightlifting, the ornate piece of gym equipment will set you back $140.
ROSE QUARTZ EMBLAZONED CRYSTAL STRAW
Haven't you heard? Plastic straws are out. Generic metal ones are no longer popular either. Now every trendsetter owns $94 straws with rose quartz attached to them.
A LITERAL VILLAGE IN SPAIN
Anyone who has ever said it takes a village to raise a child can now buy an entire township to house their hoard of children. While it won't fit under your Christmas tree, it will make someone's day, month and probably year too. Although, that "someone" probably won't be one of the village evictees.
The question is: Where can I find enough wrapping paper for this $239k gift …?
24K GOLD ROLLING PAPERS
The trick to this gift is finding someone who can light up using these papers and discard charred husks without becoming riddled with guilt over the fact they've just destroyed a 24-karat gold present.
There's not much else in this world that screams "unnecessarily lavish". But if you must let everyone who uses your toilet that you're wealthy and lack self-control when it comes to shopping, by all means go ahead and indulge in a $95 clip-on bidet.
LOUIS VUITTON PYJAMAS
These brand statement pyjamas are so expensive, the Goop guide won't even publish their price without buyer request. Count yourself lucky if Santa puts these in your stocking this year.
For all of Goop's gift giving ideas, visit the website.